I had a hard enough time trying to get this girl as a rich white man. Do you know how hard it's going to be to try to get her as a broke black man?
Lance
My father's so cheap... that when we went to bed, he'd unplug the alarm clocks. "You can't tell time when you are asleep."
Lance
You killed me! You killed me! You killed me!
Lance
Tiger Woods, Y'all, Tiger Woods, Y'all! Tiger, Tiger, Tiger, Tiger, Tiger Woods, Y'all!
Lance
Shut up before I crush you with my wallet!
Lance
From now on, we need to make a new slogan. If you get shot in the head, you get a bed. If you head is bloody, we're your buddy.
Lance
Didn't your momma ever tell you to carry an extra handcuff key?
Lance
Look, I don't have a problem with Sontee. I want to ask her on a date.
Lance
Don't "Oh, Charles" me! You were going to have sex on the pool table! You got an 8 ball in your ass!
Lance
We're going in there. If you can walk, let's walk. If you can't walk, it's time to roll. If you have crutches, then crutch your ass in there!
Lance
First, you make Frank Sinatra wait for a table...
Mr. King
HE'S FRANK SINATA! HE CAN WEAR WHATEVER HE WANTS!
Mr. King